Even In the VALLEY



 How easily praise spills from the lips of the one standing

on the mountaintop

I've been there many times

Praising the Lord, raising my hands and voice to boldly proclaim

all that He is. 

Telling the world just how good He has been to me

I shout His Name and rejoice in all that He has done
God is the God of the mountaintops right!?!

On those mountaintops I am "satisfied"

I claim to have a heart filled with devotion to Him
 

However, I now find myself asking

Is it true devotion to HIM

or is this devotion only to the One who orchestrates a life void of pain?

 

 

 

Far from the mountaintop is the lowest valley

Where the deafening sound of sorrow and pain fill the air
 

 What happens here?

What becomes of my praise to Him

When the world has taken almost all that made sense
When you feel  the Lord  had a one on one meeting with Satan himself
and asked HAVE YOU CONSIDERED THIS ONE
Will you  lift your hands in praise before the ones who seek you harm
and still proclaim that HE IS GOOD

How my heart has never ached in the way that it does now
My soul at times feels so worn and spent
However, one truth remains
GOD IS STILL GOD
even now

My heart is learning to be truly satisfied in Him alone
I can be hopeful because I know where my hope lies
I can look to my future and say not all is lost
because I know the One that redeems the years the
locusts have eaten.

The reality is that the valley is
UGLY and BROKEN

A far greater reality is that
There is One that makes the broken things of this world
BEAUTIFUL

 

I must say that I can not always see the hand of God right now

but I FEEL Him. I know He is near to me. The valley is filled

with great sorrow but we know that sorrow lasts for the night...and JOY

comes in the morning.

 

Why do we mourn like those who have no HOPE?


I walk this road with confidence because I trust there is purpose in the valley
I pray that at the end of this  I look nothing like I do now
I pray that I am one step closer to the woman that He created me to be

SO today, I lift my hands in praise to Him
I boldly proclaim that HE IS FAITHFUL
He is loving
He is kind
He is close to the brokenhearted and
He is the GOD of my tomorrows
 

 

 

 

 

 

From the Bottom of My Heart

I can not thank each of you enough for all of the love and support that

you have shown over the past week.

 

My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude

 

I have received over 75 messages this week on facebook  

...countless phone calls, texts and emails and have

been attempting to respond to each....however, I've realized today that I can't

do it. Please know that my lack of an individual response is not a

reflection on my appreciation. I deeply appreciate every single kind

word. I have poured over the Scriptures that you have sent. I have

listened to some of the most amazing songs and sermons that so many of

you have suggested. They have flooded my soul with such beautiful

reminders that HE IS FAITHFUL!

 

At this time, I  find myself needing a little time to process.

I also appreciate the lunch, dinner, play date and vacation offers

someone even sent a vodka offer...( you know who you are :)

However, I am not in a place where I am ready for that right now.

I love that you each care enough to offer. Please know how grateful I am

and one day I will be happy to meet and grab a drink...probably diet coke :) but

I will be there one day...its just not today

 

The Lord has been placing some of the most amazing people in my life

for years who are here to walk this road with me.

 I've even added a few by force over the past

little bit :)

He has built around me a mighty fortress of friends and family that can

help carry me through this. Even with the priceless people He has placed

in my life I am having to lean solely on Him. At the end of the

day its just me and the Lord. He is my Sustainer...Strength..and

Comforter. He has to become my EVERYTHING and I have to be willing

to allow that.

 

So, please know that I am well taken care of but I need a little

time to be broken.

 

The greatest thing that you could do for me and my family at this time

is pray. If details elude you, that is most likely because I have not found it

important to share

 

So thank you again for all of your concern, your continual prayers and amazing support

It means the WORLD to me

 

They've always been HIS

 

 

This week I learned that Chloe and Eli will not be coming home

I will give no detail as this is private and very painful
I would appreciate you respecting my privacy during this time
and refrain from asking questions

I know that our journey to these two precious babies has been lived
so publicly. I know so many of you have loved us through each step
of this. Right now, I just ask for time and space.
My heart is breaking

I want each of you to know that I would appreciate your prayers for me
and my family. The losses seem too great.
However, I trust that the Father is working even now
 I trust that He will carry us through this

I choose to TRUST Him
because He faithful

 

He is Faithful

 

 

 

 

As I began this journey to Chloe and Eli I would have

never thought that I'd be sitting here tonight with empty

hands. I truly felt that I would be tucking two more precious

babies in the bed snuggling them close. I had pictured holding

their sweet faces in my hands and telling them every day forever

just how much they are loved. I can close my eyes and picture it now.

I had debated on bedtime songs and had landed firmly on

Jesus Loves Me & You are My sunshine

I wanted them to hear the name of Jesus and I wanted them to KNOW

his love for them...then you are my sunshine because I have been

singing that to my babies since Alyssa was born. Its a classic :)

I knew what I would say to them when I held them for the first time

I couldn't wait to land on DRC soil and know that this was the temporary home

that had held two of the most valuable treasures in my heart.

I can almost feel the weight of them in my arms. Their little hands on my

shoulder and their sweet cheeks pressed against mine. This is the aching heart of

a mommy.

 

I truly believed that the waiting and aching portion of the journey would be over

by now. I had it all planned out. I really did. I had bought them Christmas

pajamas and had hung them in their rooms. They would be home to celebrate

with us and i couldn't wait! Quickly that month faded into the next and into

the next. Now its April and the reality is that my reality is nothing like

I thought it would be.

 

Every day I open my eyes to a new hurt

a new loss has taken place of the one that yesterday brought

At times I sense the waters rising so high and at times they

threaten to overtake me. However, it is now that I cling to Him

While the earth seems to be unsteady and constantly giving way

around me...He is faithful!

Please know that He is good! Even in the midst of the unclear He is so

faithful. He allows the waters to rage yet He gives

a peace in the midst of it all. One that truly passes ALL

understanding.  He alone is good and He

alone is God. We truly live in a fallen world.

Sin affects us all.

 The sins

of others fall on us and change our world forever.

 Children don't come home,

families crumble, people break, wars wage, good people die, friendships end,

...The earth GIVES way

While those things around us seem to come at a rapid pace

and consume us...let us, in our pain, offer a sacrifice of praise to

the Father. For HE is GOOD.

 

I want people to look at my life and know that I believe that

Even when it all seems to fall apart I praise Him for I know He

has not abandoned me

 

I believe with ALL of my heart that God redeems those

places in our lives that seem so very broken.

He makes all things new!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Whats in a Name

                 

                                

This was the gift that was given to me this year by my sister

on my birthday. She, better than most, knows my heart and the

ups and downs that I've been through over the past several

years. She knew of old hurts and new struggles that were

surrounding and pressing in on all sides. So this gift was not

a simple gesture. Instead, it was a thought out, prayed over

gift.

 

We had just received some very sad news about the babies

in DRC back around my bday in January. My heart was battling

the idea that the Lord could have actually taken me down this road

simply to draw me near to His heart and not necessarily to

have two children come home. That was and still is a hard

reality that I am deeply battling. My sister has walked this wild

journey with me from day one. She knew that my heart needed the

reminder that God is the GREAT I AM!

 

In the box she had placed three rocks and one little bag

On the bag was the verse in Matthew 17

" I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed,

you can say to the mountain 'Move from here to there' and it

will move. Nothing will be impossible for you"

 

Inside the bag was a tiny mustard seed that had been placed in the

center of a stone.

 

On the three rocks were three names of God

 

Jehovah-Jirah : The Lord Provides

 

Jehovah-Shammah: The Lord is Present

 

Jehovah-Shalom: The Lord is our Peace

 

On January 3 when I received this gift, my heart was amazed

but as I sit here today, March 24th...I am even more grateful for

these precious reminders of who the Lord is. I speak His name and

claim that He is my provider, HE IS HERE and HE is my peace!

These three names of God have never been more needed in my life

than today.

Though it feels the world around me makes no sense and chaos abounds

I speak

Jehovah-Jirah and I know that my Father will take care of me. He will provide

 

How I've needed to know that the Lord is present. I need to FEEL Him. I need

to know that when I feel alone in this journey that He is indeed HERE!

 

My soul cries Jehovah-Shalom! I seek refuge in His arms through it all

though I wrestle against it all at times, He holds me tenderly. He pours

His peace through my heart when it seems that peace is impossible.

Oh, How HE loves

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please!! Help Spread the WORD

This couple lives here in our home town and is adopting from AFRICA!

The Lord brought them into my life before I had any idea that we were all

longing for the same thing. That our hearts were all aching for our children

a world away.

Morgan is a youth pastor here in Chattanooga.

Our youth pastor partnered with him

and another church to reach the students in our community with the Gospel. They

began their adventures with a kickball league. I participated ( well..kind of :)

and saw these two each Sunday night. Kickball ended...and school began. If you remember

last year reading about our Black Light Dodgeball tournament..it was amazing! So

this year our youth leader joined forces to cast the net a little wider. I helped out with

the tournament and stood next to a cute blonde girl for quite some time serving red Koolaid

and water. Poor thing..I will talk to a brick wall so Im sure I was a bit overwhelming :)

She was sweet and a joy to serve along side. After that...we parted ways and that was that!

 

A few weeks later I received a message from an old friend. They were sharing that

some friends of theirs were adopting from Uganda and they wanted see if I would chat with them

Without hesitation I said YES!

I quickly facebook stalked this girl named Jennifer and I was SHOCKED to see that

it was the cute blonde that I stood next to and chatted with that night.

 I just laughed at how God truly has a sense of humor.  Had I known that night..its possible that I  would have tried to

hug her or cry to her and probably not done a good job of koolaid serving :)

SO the timing was just perfect.

We quickly set a date to meet up for lunch and chat all about

our adoption journey and the very children that God has brought into our lives

 

I loved sitting across from Jennifer and hearing  her heart  for her two sons and

trust that the Father's timing is always perfect. They have opened their hearts to two

beautiful boys in Uganda but also a local teenage girl. They truly live with open hands!

Sitting across the table from her I learned so much about truly following the Lord. It was

such a blessing to hear her pour over my family and children in prayer and it has been

an honor to do the same for her!

 

 

They are very close to travel to bring their two boys home

I want to help spread the word about their adoption journey!

 They are doing an Ipad giveaway and the drawing is

IN THE MORNING!!!

 

Their blog can be found HERE

 

All they are asking is for a $10 donation and that will enter you in to WIN!!

Their donate button is at the TOP of their blog..click on that and let the donations begin

 

Please help this family bring their sweet boys home

by donating or spreading the word!
I know they would greatly appreciate your prayers as well

 



Whats Going ON?!?!

 

We have had so many people over the past several weeks

asking what in the world is going on with our adoption.

 

I can sum it up best by saying I honestly have no idea!

 

Here is what we do know:

 

Our children were suppose to be home some months ago.

We know that everything was going smoothly for our adoption

until about November. We have already been approved by the US

and DRC to adopt these children. They are legally ours and have

been for quite some time. When our children had to be moved from

their orphanage due to the jiggers that were in their feet our case came to

a screeching halt.

They were placed first in the home of a pastor that cared for them until they were then

moved. They were then taken to another orphanage where a lady is caring for them.

However, Since Nov(ish) they have been waiting on one thing

THEIR PASSPORTS

 

I also know EVERY family that we were suppose to travel with ( that weren't in our same
orphanage situation) has already

traveled and is now home with their children because we didn't have passports.

I am also aware that everyone thinks they know what is best for my children and that

has broken my heart and caused MANY problems.

 

In the midst of this chaos of us trying to get our little one's passports taken care of

from afar...

the entire DRC adoption program slammed to a hault. We fully understand that

this is a great thing long term. The safety of these children is most important.

However, knowing that our children could have come home this weekend

makes it very difficult to swallow.

 

We will perhaps be notified when our case has been submitted for investigation.

The investigations are said to take 3-6 months. They are attempting to confirm

the children's history and prove their orphan status.

I have received no email stating anything has started so  we can assume that

has not begun...Although...other people are suggesting it would begin upon the

receipt of our I600...which was submitted a long time ago. We  are unclear

on just about 100% of it.

 

SO

when people ask whats going on..

the truth is...

its complicated

harder than I thought

and sometimes feels impossible

Chloe and Eli may or may not ever truly come home to live

with me. Im not sure that I can wrap my heart and mind around

it but each day Im trying. Im trying to hand them to the Lord knowing

that they are not mine and truly never have been. They have always

belonged to Him. Its possible that I fought like crazy for these two only

to have them slip away at the last second. That breaks my heart but the truth

is...

I long to know Him above all else and at all cost

 I trust His heart and hand in this. Even though I struggle against

the difficulties of it all. I trust that He is good.

 

Im sorry I don't have a better answer. I wanted to help those understand because I've had

so many ask what in the world is going on.

 I wish I knew the end of it. I wish it was all going to be tied in a nice package

but it appears that may not happen

 

Its not about the outcome

Its about obedience